Introducing The Revolutionary Micro-Hoe! Invented by Me; Patent Not Pending; All Rights Reversed. Order Now. One Week Only, Free Cardboard Box1 Included!For ages, now, I've been wanting one of these. See, the problem is that I garden using the Deep Bed Method (about which I shall pontificate at a more apropos time.) This means that a lot of plants get spaced much more closely than recommended by All Manufacturers. In particular Onions and Garlic are a Perennial Problem2. They hate weeds, and suffer them poorly. But they're so closely spaced that any form of conventional hoe is a non-option.
"What to do? What to do?" Enter the Revolutionary Micro Hoe. I managed to bum a bit of scrap off the local metal merchants4 to (finally! eventually!) implement the implement: the Plan I've had in mind for months5.
The metal bit is only about 5cm wide, and sharp enough to shave a sheep, meaning it will fit between cramped rows of Onions, severing the roots off Terrible Weeds without damaging the pencil-thick Onions.
Fields trials seem to show that this one is a winner. Took me less than ten minutes to hoe a 10m2 bed full of Weeds (and a few Onions). It snickedthrough the weeds like... Oh! Enough with the similies!... It cut through them really easily.
I don't have the angle of the blade quite right, yet. It needs to be a bit moreacute an angle (contrary to all expectation) than it is. On the other hand, that involves dismantling the entire contraption, re-sawing the slot in the handle, and re-setting the blade. More than I can face today. In use, the handle has a disconcerting tendency to twist anti-clockwise, and that gets a bit uncomfortable after using the Hoe for a time. But I can live with that, considering how much quicker it is that Hand Weeding!
If you're a Real Human Person wanting to build your own MicroHoe to my design, go ahead with my blessing. If you're a Company seeking Fortune through the manufacture of MicroHoes, please fuck off. It's my design, hereby Open Sourced for Real Human Beings. Only!
[1] Just some random cardboard box, mind you. No guarantee that the MicroHoe would fit into it, or anything.
[2] AKA a Pain In The Arse3.
[3] "Ass" for the 'Merkins.
[4] Too unhip to even have a website!
[5] Could be years, actually. My Scotch-addled brain glosses over time like... well... like something very glossy6!
[6] ...had in mind something along the lines of "like gumboots on a duck-beshitten lawn", but I couldn't make it scan.
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